Shortly after receiving the text that read, "We need to talk", I remember the sinking feeling I had for the rest of the day until that dreaded conversation. Although I felt that the conversation would not be a pleasant one, I was totally thrown off when I heard these words, "I don't want to do this anymore. I need to be free and on my own."
I didn't have the words to express my feelings at that time. It took me a few days to process what had been said. My emotions were all over the place. There was sadness, sorrow, guilt, anger and finally pain.
I was sad because we promised "forever" yet here my husband was telling me that our "forever" had turned into "no more". I felt sorrow as the memories of the things I had done to contribute to the failing of our marriage flooded in like the rushing rain and wind from the eye of a hurricane. I felt guilty that I ignored all the ways my husband tried to show me how much he needed my love. I was angry because he was listening to outside voices, though they didn't cause the moment we found ourselves in, they definitely weren't helping him to see all the ways I was being transformed into being the wife he needed. Finally, the pain came, pounding on my heart constantly, relentlessly and in waves so unpredictable that I could not brace myself fast enough.
I begged God day and night to turn things around, but with each passing day, my husband's decision became clearer and I knew that he had made up his mind.
The sleepless nights came, and with them the loss of my appetite. There were moments that I could barely lift my head to get out of bed. I felt numb and weak and like I had no hope for a future.
I began spending countless hours in my "war room", praying on behalf of my marriage, confessing to God and my husband ways I had broken vows and asking for forgiveness; asking God to forgive me for not taking care of His son's heart the way I should have from the beginning and asking my husband to forgive me for the same. Then, one day as I was listening to worship music and begging to hear from God through tears, I received my answer. Gracefully let him go.
I thought to myself, surely this isn't the answer God is giving me. I thought He honored marriage. How could He be asking me; beckoning me to release my husband without fighting for my marriage?
I fought with God about this for a few days, but as always, the fight was exhausting and I had no choice but to listen. God began to speak to me the reasons for His response to all of my begging.
He assured me that it is absolutely His will to save marriages but reminded me that people have free will. Although with my free will I was choosing to do what was needed to restore, no, reinvent our marriage, my husband was choosing to do something else with his.
God spoke to me that this was a time for me to trust Him completely. This moment in my life was a time for faith activation. God didn't intend for me to not fight for my marriage, but He wanted to me to do it gracefully and thoughtfully through prayer and complete submission to Him. This was a moment for me to give up my will and control in exchange for a hunger and desire for God's will and give Him control to take over.
As I sought God deeper and with more hunger, He began to speak to me deeply about the situation I found myself in, and He gave me strength and courage to begin to gracefully let go.
First, He confronted the lie in my head telling me that I was not good enough to be a wife. He confronted the lie that everything that had happened in my marriage was all my fault. And lastly, He confronted the lie the enemy was telling me that the changes God had been making in my heart, building me to be a better wife were in vain.
When these lies were expelled from my mind and heart, and as the truth of God's defense of me became clear, I cried through a smile fully reminded of the fact that no matter the end game, God would be right there walking with me through the rivers and fires of this season in my life (Isaiah 43:2).
Secondly, God challenged me to earnestly pray for my husband. Initially, I was praying for God to turn my husband's heart back to me, but as I spent more time in prayer I knew that God wanted me to pray for my husband's soul and not for the things that would serve me best.
Letting go of someone we love deeply can be the most painful thing to do because we are essentially letting go of a part of who we are. It took me longer than I care to admit to finally understand that gracefully letting go demonstrates a selfless act that can only be performed when you have unconditional love for another and genuinely want things to work for their good.
Hoping the best for someone who has chosen to walk away from you is not the easiest thing to do. If I am real with myself and transparent with you, for a little minute I wanted God to turn this situation into something beautiful just for my good, so I could say that through this loss, I still won. Okay, honestly it was more like I wanted God to hand me a bunch of blessings so that I might one day be able to say to my husband, "Look what you missed out on; you should have never walked away". However, I wasn't allowed to think this way for long. As He often does, God challenged my way of thinking and showed me my arrogance and ignorance and began helping me to genuinely be hopeful that something beautiful will come out of this for my husband, too.
When God instructs you to let go He will give you the grace to do so with nothing but love and true intentions in your heart. Letting go in grace is essential because letting go with resentment, guilt, shame or bitterness brings unnecessary pain and agony to your heart and definitely blinds you from seeing God's power at work.
Now that I have accepted my husband's truth, I am picking up the pieces of my heart and moving forward, becoming more and more excited for the beautiful end of this story. I am so expectant of what is waiting on the other side of this pain. I am so hopeful of all the doors God will open for me AND for my husband, even if we don't walk through them together.
I do want to say that while gracefully letting go you can also be holding on to hope. Gracefully letting go while holding on to hope is a faith act, and the outcome is only known by God.
We know that faith is the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen, and we have to walk by faith (things of the spiritual world) not by focusing on the things we see (the things of the physical world) in order to please God (Hebrews 11:1; 2 Corinthians 5:7; Hebrews 11:6).
At first, when I thought of these verses, I thought it meant for me to have hope for the reconciliation of my marriage, but as I have been spending more time with God and in His Word, I realize that my hope isn't in my husband turning his heart back towards me. Instead, my hope is in Jesus Christ and God's ability to work this situation out and bring it to the expected end that mirrors His plans for my life.
I don't want to end this post without being clear about one more thing. Be kind to yourself and gracefully let go of holding on to the things that you may have done to contribute to the detriment of a situation. Confess your faults to God and to the others involved. Sincerely repent of those faults, for turning away from continuing to do those things gives you the true freedom of heart you need to help you gracefully let go of your guilt, pain and shame.
As I write this to you today, I am finally at peace with gracefully letting go. Today, I am fully walking in the knowledge that I have willingly given God control of this situation and because of that willingness, I feel His peace surrounding my heart.
Today, tears flow from my eyes for different reasons other than my heart's sorrow and pain. The tears that now flow are those of gratefulness to God for His presence in my life now and always. The tears flowing now are tears of knowing that God is going to bring something beautiful out of this situation. His promises will always be manifested for His children, especially when we are willing to let Him guide and correct us so we can best be prepared for the blessings He will bring on the other side of losing what we have gracefully let go.
Today, if you are facing a situation that God has been beckoning you to gracefully let go, answer the call obediently. Believe me, submitting to God instead of trying to hold on to and fix things yourself will spare you from grief and pain that God never intended for you to endure.
Gracefully let go knowing that God is for you (Romans 8:31). Gracefully let go knowing that God specializes in things that seem impossible (Luke 1:37). Gracefully let go knowing that even when you feel alone and abandoned, God will never leave you nor forsake you (Deuteronomy 31:6). Gracefully let go knowing that all things do work for the good of those who love God, for the purpose to which He has called us (Romans 8:28).
With love in your heart and an expectancy for overflowing blessings to soon replace the current pain you are experiencing, give thanks to God and have hope as you gracefully let go.
I didn't have the words to express my feelings at that time. It took me a few days to process what had been said. My emotions were all over the place. There was sadness, sorrow, guilt, anger and finally pain.
I was sad because we promised "forever" yet here my husband was telling me that our "forever" had turned into "no more". I felt sorrow as the memories of the things I had done to contribute to the failing of our marriage flooded in like the rushing rain and wind from the eye of a hurricane. I felt guilty that I ignored all the ways my husband tried to show me how much he needed my love. I was angry because he was listening to outside voices, though they didn't cause the moment we found ourselves in, they definitely weren't helping him to see all the ways I was being transformed into being the wife he needed. Finally, the pain came, pounding on my heart constantly, relentlessly and in waves so unpredictable that I could not brace myself fast enough.
I begged God day and night to turn things around, but with each passing day, my husband's decision became clearer and I knew that he had made up his mind.
The sleepless nights came, and with them the loss of my appetite. There were moments that I could barely lift my head to get out of bed. I felt numb and weak and like I had no hope for a future.
I began spending countless hours in my "war room", praying on behalf of my marriage, confessing to God and my husband ways I had broken vows and asking for forgiveness; asking God to forgive me for not taking care of His son's heart the way I should have from the beginning and asking my husband to forgive me for the same. Then, one day as I was listening to worship music and begging to hear from God through tears, I received my answer. Gracefully let him go.
I thought to myself, surely this isn't the answer God is giving me. I thought He honored marriage. How could He be asking me; beckoning me to release my husband without fighting for my marriage?
I fought with God about this for a few days, but as always, the fight was exhausting and I had no choice but to listen. God began to speak to me the reasons for His response to all of my begging.
He assured me that it is absolutely His will to save marriages but reminded me that people have free will. Although with my free will I was choosing to do what was needed to restore, no, reinvent our marriage, my husband was choosing to do something else with his.
God spoke to me that this was a time for me to trust Him completely. This moment in my life was a time for faith activation. God didn't intend for me to not fight for my marriage, but He wanted to me to do it gracefully and thoughtfully through prayer and complete submission to Him. This was a moment for me to give up my will and control in exchange for a hunger and desire for God's will and give Him control to take over.
As I sought God deeper and with more hunger, He began to speak to me deeply about the situation I found myself in, and He gave me strength and courage to begin to gracefully let go.
First, He confronted the lie in my head telling me that I was not good enough to be a wife. He confronted the lie that everything that had happened in my marriage was all my fault. And lastly, He confronted the lie the enemy was telling me that the changes God had been making in my heart, building me to be a better wife were in vain.
When these lies were expelled from my mind and heart, and as the truth of God's defense of me became clear, I cried through a smile fully reminded of the fact that no matter the end game, God would be right there walking with me through the rivers and fires of this season in my life (Isaiah 43:2).
Secondly, God challenged me to earnestly pray for my husband. Initially, I was praying for God to turn my husband's heart back to me, but as I spent more time in prayer I knew that God wanted me to pray for my husband's soul and not for the things that would serve me best.
Letting go of someone we love deeply can be the most painful thing to do because we are essentially letting go of a part of who we are. It took me longer than I care to admit to finally understand that gracefully letting go demonstrates a selfless act that can only be performed when you have unconditional love for another and genuinely want things to work for their good.
Hoping the best for someone who has chosen to walk away from you is not the easiest thing to do. If I am real with myself and transparent with you, for a little minute I wanted God to turn this situation into something beautiful just for my good, so I could say that through this loss, I still won. Okay, honestly it was more like I wanted God to hand me a bunch of blessings so that I might one day be able to say to my husband, "Look what you missed out on; you should have never walked away". However, I wasn't allowed to think this way for long. As He often does, God challenged my way of thinking and showed me my arrogance and ignorance and began helping me to genuinely be hopeful that something beautiful will come out of this for my husband, too.
When God instructs you to let go He will give you the grace to do so with nothing but love and true intentions in your heart. Letting go in grace is essential because letting go with resentment, guilt, shame or bitterness brings unnecessary pain and agony to your heart and definitely blinds you from seeing God's power at work.
Now that I have accepted my husband's truth, I am picking up the pieces of my heart and moving forward, becoming more and more excited for the beautiful end of this story. I am so expectant of what is waiting on the other side of this pain. I am so hopeful of all the doors God will open for me AND for my husband, even if we don't walk through them together.
I do want to say that while gracefully letting go you can also be holding on to hope. Gracefully letting go while holding on to hope is a faith act, and the outcome is only known by God.
We know that faith is the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen, and we have to walk by faith (things of the spiritual world) not by focusing on the things we see (the things of the physical world) in order to please God (Hebrews 11:1; 2 Corinthians 5:7; Hebrews 11:6).
At first, when I thought of these verses, I thought it meant for me to have hope for the reconciliation of my marriage, but as I have been spending more time with God and in His Word, I realize that my hope isn't in my husband turning his heart back towards me. Instead, my hope is in Jesus Christ and God's ability to work this situation out and bring it to the expected end that mirrors His plans for my life.
I don't want to end this post without being clear about one more thing. Be kind to yourself and gracefully let go of holding on to the things that you may have done to contribute to the detriment of a situation. Confess your faults to God and to the others involved. Sincerely repent of those faults, for turning away from continuing to do those things gives you the true freedom of heart you need to help you gracefully let go of your guilt, pain and shame.
As I write this to you today, I am finally at peace with gracefully letting go. Today, I am fully walking in the knowledge that I have willingly given God control of this situation and because of that willingness, I feel His peace surrounding my heart.
Today, tears flow from my eyes for different reasons other than my heart's sorrow and pain. The tears that now flow are those of gratefulness to God for His presence in my life now and always. The tears flowing now are tears of knowing that God is going to bring something beautiful out of this situation. His promises will always be manifested for His children, especially when we are willing to let Him guide and correct us so we can best be prepared for the blessings He will bring on the other side of losing what we have gracefully let go.
Today, if you are facing a situation that God has been beckoning you to gracefully let go, answer the call obediently. Believe me, submitting to God instead of trying to hold on to and fix things yourself will spare you from grief and pain that God never intended for you to endure.
Gracefully let go knowing that God is for you (Romans 8:31). Gracefully let go knowing that God specializes in things that seem impossible (Luke 1:37). Gracefully let go knowing that even when you feel alone and abandoned, God will never leave you nor forsake you (Deuteronomy 31:6). Gracefully let go knowing that all things do work for the good of those who love God, for the purpose to which He has called us (Romans 8:28).
With love in your heart and an expectancy for overflowing blessings to soon replace the current pain you are experiencing, give thanks to God and have hope as you gracefully let go.