I shall be telling this with a sigh, Somewhere ages and ages hence: Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--I took the one less traveled by, AND THAT HAS MADE ALL THE DIFFERENCE.
~Robert Frost
~Robert Frost
I knew it was going to be a difficult conversation to have, but I also knew it was one that needed to be had. I understood that it may not be well received and even more, may not be well liked. However, this wasn't about whether or not it was liked by a person (or even myself); rather, it was about being pleasing to God and being freed from my old way of thinking as it relates to love and sex. The conversation could ultimately leave me rejected and alone, but I had to make my position in the matter well known.
I had decided to take the road less traveled; I had decided there would be no more sex before marriage for me!
This decision I have made is most certainly an unpopular choice in this day and time. The world tells us that we can do whatever it is that we want to do but fails to mention the fact that there are consequences to our actions. The world tells us to do whatever feels good to us but fails to mention that momentary satisfaction just might lead to a lifetime of pain. The world tells us not to care about what other people think about our choices but fails to mention how those choices usually affect those around us in some way.
Someone reading this might ask, "Who does she think she is giving advice about abstinence?" My reply is simply this: I am someone who knows the pain of living with the effect of sex with men who never became my husband. I know the shame of seeing someone I've been with in my past whom I wouldn't dare have relationship with in my present or my future. Finally, I know how deeply the ending of a relationship that involved sex hurts and breaks the heart of a woman.
Let me be clear here: this post is not about me thinking my decision to wait makes me superior in any way. I am posting this because I know all too well the struggle to remain pure while single and dating. I have learned to never say never and that the second we begin to condemn each other when we fall instead of gently guiding each other back to the path of righteousness, we may very well find ourselves falling in that same way (Galatians 6:1)
I struggled with staying true to this decision for a while. I would say I was going to refrain (and it was very easy to do when I was not dating), but when someone would come into my life and say things I wanted to hear I would eventually let my guard down and give in to their request. My mind and heart was always hopeful that "this one" will do the right thing and make me his wife. Guess what? I am still single, and "that one" also walked away with a part of me that I can never get back.
When I FINALLY realized that this cycle had been repeated over and over and over again, I knew I needed a change. I remember begging God through tears and screaming for Him to please save me from myself and show me, not just tell me why the life I was living was not His best for me. He lovingly showed me moments in my past that involved men and sex, and then He told me why He wanted me to stop giving that part of myself away until He sent me His absolute best for me.
You may be waiting for me to tell you that God gave me a theological revelation when it comes to the subject of sex before marriage. I apologize in advance because I don't have a fire and brimstone message from God to give to you. God spoke to me on a level easy for me to understand and in a way that proved that He is a loving Father (1 John 4:8b). He didn't speak in codes and there was no -ETH at the end of His words. He spoke to my heart in a way that could connect with me as a human and a woman. Of course, He never got on a level that made Him less holy, just on a level that made Him more relatable to me.
God told me that He created women with special hearts. I believe He did this with the purpose of us being able to love and honor Him first, then to help us to love and honor the man He would send to be our husband (if that would be His will for our lives). My point is that God shaped the heart of a woman to love and to love with everything He placed in her. God gave women the ability to nurture, encourage, uplift and to love each day like there may be no tomorrow. Each time that we give ourselves to a man, we are giving him our all; we give our minds, we give our hearts and in a sense we give him a control over us that can't be explained. In that moment I realized that I had given away my everything many times, and each time that those relationships didn't materialize into anything substantial I lost a little bit of my desire to love.
I believe that God, in His infinite wisdom, knew that this would be the consequence to women when they gave their bodies to men that were not their husbands. He knew that we would pay a heavy cost with our hearts and even mentally if/when the relationship did not work. He knew that eventually we would begin building walls around our hearts, virtually turning them into hearts of stone to protect ourselves from experiencing the same level of hurt from one failed relationship in the next one. By the time we do receive the man God has for us we've given so much of ourselves to those God never purposed to receive that kind of love from us, we have issues fully opening ourselves to our God-given man.
I then realized that in order for me to be successful in my journey I needed God to change my thought process. I had fallen over and over to the belief that in order to have a loving relationship with a man I had to give myself to him sexually. I now realize that this is the furthest thing from the truth. God never requires us to do something that will not ultimately bring us to His very best for us. First of all, He wants us to live in complete freedom from guilt and shame. That's why He sent Christ to die for us, to free us from those things that would keep our hearts and minds captive to pain, disgrace and self-condemnation (Galatians 5:1). That is exactly what my experiences had brought me. For a long time I dealt with the ghosts of my past, struggling everyday to forgive myself for those things that kept me from accepting God's redemptive love and grace (Isaiah 59:2).
I am fighting more and more each day to continue walking the path of resistance. Recently, while traveling this journey, I came to a fork in the road. As I contemplated the journey I noticed that one road was worn, indicating that it was the most traveled, while the grass on the other was beautiful and green. As I continued surveying these two roads I also noticed that the path that seemed to be most traveled was occupied by thorn trees and many pitfalls that could not be seen if one hastily traveled before observing it. The other road was filled with life giving streams of water and brooks that were so beautiful my heart was overwhelmed with joy and peace at the sight of it. I could hear voices calling out to me from both directions: the voices of the road most traveled initially sounded like voices of pleasure, but soon I realized these were voices in agony, searching for a way of escape. From the less traveled road, however, I could hear the voice of God calling me to live in freedom and joy and peace.
I knew that the road less frequented would often be lonely, while the road traveled most would be filled with all the company I could keep. I knew that if I traveled the road less tread upon I may have to travel for a while before I finally met the one I was meant to travel through life with, while the heavily visited road would sure to present many that I could have even if only for a moment. That road, the road most traveled would eventually lead to dead end after dead end, while the road less traveled would only lead to love, joy and peace.
I stood there at that fork in the road and then I stepped forward...I chose the road less traveled and that, my friends, has truly made all the difference!!
I had decided to take the road less traveled; I had decided there would be no more sex before marriage for me!
This decision I have made is most certainly an unpopular choice in this day and time. The world tells us that we can do whatever it is that we want to do but fails to mention the fact that there are consequences to our actions. The world tells us to do whatever feels good to us but fails to mention that momentary satisfaction just might lead to a lifetime of pain. The world tells us not to care about what other people think about our choices but fails to mention how those choices usually affect those around us in some way.
Someone reading this might ask, "Who does she think she is giving advice about abstinence?" My reply is simply this: I am someone who knows the pain of living with the effect of sex with men who never became my husband. I know the shame of seeing someone I've been with in my past whom I wouldn't dare have relationship with in my present or my future. Finally, I know how deeply the ending of a relationship that involved sex hurts and breaks the heart of a woman.
Let me be clear here: this post is not about me thinking my decision to wait makes me superior in any way. I am posting this because I know all too well the struggle to remain pure while single and dating. I have learned to never say never and that the second we begin to condemn each other when we fall instead of gently guiding each other back to the path of righteousness, we may very well find ourselves falling in that same way (Galatians 6:1)
I struggled with staying true to this decision for a while. I would say I was going to refrain (and it was very easy to do when I was not dating), but when someone would come into my life and say things I wanted to hear I would eventually let my guard down and give in to their request. My mind and heart was always hopeful that "this one" will do the right thing and make me his wife. Guess what? I am still single, and "that one" also walked away with a part of me that I can never get back.
When I FINALLY realized that this cycle had been repeated over and over and over again, I knew I needed a change. I remember begging God through tears and screaming for Him to please save me from myself and show me, not just tell me why the life I was living was not His best for me. He lovingly showed me moments in my past that involved men and sex, and then He told me why He wanted me to stop giving that part of myself away until He sent me His absolute best for me.
You may be waiting for me to tell you that God gave me a theological revelation when it comes to the subject of sex before marriage. I apologize in advance because I don't have a fire and brimstone message from God to give to you. God spoke to me on a level easy for me to understand and in a way that proved that He is a loving Father (1 John 4:8b). He didn't speak in codes and there was no -ETH at the end of His words. He spoke to my heart in a way that could connect with me as a human and a woman. Of course, He never got on a level that made Him less holy, just on a level that made Him more relatable to me.
God told me that He created women with special hearts. I believe He did this with the purpose of us being able to love and honor Him first, then to help us to love and honor the man He would send to be our husband (if that would be His will for our lives). My point is that God shaped the heart of a woman to love and to love with everything He placed in her. God gave women the ability to nurture, encourage, uplift and to love each day like there may be no tomorrow. Each time that we give ourselves to a man, we are giving him our all; we give our minds, we give our hearts and in a sense we give him a control over us that can't be explained. In that moment I realized that I had given away my everything many times, and each time that those relationships didn't materialize into anything substantial I lost a little bit of my desire to love.
I believe that God, in His infinite wisdom, knew that this would be the consequence to women when they gave their bodies to men that were not their husbands. He knew that we would pay a heavy cost with our hearts and even mentally if/when the relationship did not work. He knew that eventually we would begin building walls around our hearts, virtually turning them into hearts of stone to protect ourselves from experiencing the same level of hurt from one failed relationship in the next one. By the time we do receive the man God has for us we've given so much of ourselves to those God never purposed to receive that kind of love from us, we have issues fully opening ourselves to our God-given man.
I then realized that in order for me to be successful in my journey I needed God to change my thought process. I had fallen over and over to the belief that in order to have a loving relationship with a man I had to give myself to him sexually. I now realize that this is the furthest thing from the truth. God never requires us to do something that will not ultimately bring us to His very best for us. First of all, He wants us to live in complete freedom from guilt and shame. That's why He sent Christ to die for us, to free us from those things that would keep our hearts and minds captive to pain, disgrace and self-condemnation (Galatians 5:1). That is exactly what my experiences had brought me. For a long time I dealt with the ghosts of my past, struggling everyday to forgive myself for those things that kept me from accepting God's redemptive love and grace (Isaiah 59:2).
I am fighting more and more each day to continue walking the path of resistance. Recently, while traveling this journey, I came to a fork in the road. As I contemplated the journey I noticed that one road was worn, indicating that it was the most traveled, while the grass on the other was beautiful and green. As I continued surveying these two roads I also noticed that the path that seemed to be most traveled was occupied by thorn trees and many pitfalls that could not be seen if one hastily traveled before observing it. The other road was filled with life giving streams of water and brooks that were so beautiful my heart was overwhelmed with joy and peace at the sight of it. I could hear voices calling out to me from both directions: the voices of the road most traveled initially sounded like voices of pleasure, but soon I realized these were voices in agony, searching for a way of escape. From the less traveled road, however, I could hear the voice of God calling me to live in freedom and joy and peace.
I knew that the road less frequented would often be lonely, while the road traveled most would be filled with all the company I could keep. I knew that if I traveled the road less tread upon I may have to travel for a while before I finally met the one I was meant to travel through life with, while the heavily visited road would sure to present many that I could have even if only for a moment. That road, the road most traveled would eventually lead to dead end after dead end, while the road less traveled would only lead to love, joy and peace.
I stood there at that fork in the road and then I stepped forward...I chose the road less traveled and that, my friends, has truly made all the difference!!